Friday, 25 November 2011

mild PANIC!

Oh dear lord. One payday before Christmas. Friggen Christmas. It’s so compulsory.

Yes  I will admit that way back in October I did get a moment of excitement about the forthcoming Celebrations however I put this down to a subtle change in the light which brought back nostalgic feelings and a misguided sense of expectation.

I’m not fond of roasted chestnuts (they are a bit dry) I can’t eat chocolate and I am rubbish at trying to be excited by the peculiar array of things that people give to me, often unwrapped.
I am not a scrooge or a Grinch or a humbug or any other term you wish to use to apply peer pressure onto me in an attempt to force me to enjoy a sequence of events in which you yourself have no pleasure. So stop that immediately.

Father Coke - 'The Spirit of Capitalism'
I like the act of giving, not as much as that creepy child on the John Lewis ad but I do like it and I want to get it right (since I am amazing, I often do). This year has been rather more stingy to me than last year (I blame the year not my own actions, of course) and I am finding that there is very little capitalism for me to spread about.

I am not Kirsty Allsop (SHOCK) so I do not have access to an assortment of trained craft peoples that I can flog into submission and force to make a mosaic cake or a knitted tea set to give away to bemused relatives. So I am left to my own creativity.

No I’m not going to bloody write something for people. I really cannot be doing with that sort of behaviour. I might be forced to craft something out of the tins and plastic I keep forgetting to put out with the recycling. It’s all in the presentation.

Did pagans give out presents at Yule? If they did it was probably made out of a pig.

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