Wednesday, 21 December 2011

Our Darkest Hour

Where have you been? What have you been doing? You haven’t updated your blog in days!

These are the cries I hear echoing through the halls of our mutual existence and I heed your little voices, my minions. I hear your pitiful cries as you pine for my words. So hear I am, throwing scraps of my own fascinating thoughts in your general direction so you can gobble them up and enrich your strange, little, fetid mind.

Well first of all I have made cookie dough. I am sure it is lovely but I overlooked the fact that I am dairy, wheat and gluten intolerant, so I have made unintentionally altruistic cookie dough, I shall give it away at some point. Not to you though so don’t get excited.

Also I desperately need to tell you that we are in the dying moments of the year!

“Oh but it’s not New Years Eve?!” I hear you grunt in vague protest.

Well we are not all tied to the Gregorian Calendar like rats in a bucket of glue, some of us have a mind free of restraint. Well, partly.

It is the last day of the year, because it is the darkest and shortest day of the year. The Northern Hemisphere has reached its darkest turn (I am ignoring the southern hemisphere and their heathen summer and as for the equator, well the least said about that lot the better) and from this point forth the days become lighter and longer.

gobble gobble
“Why do you care? You’re a vampiristic troglodyte!” This is a vicious and unfounded rumour and has no basis in fact. I have never lived in a cave and I have not drunk any blood in years.

Anyway we have reached our darkest point, our longest night and yet the world moves perpetually forward, carrying our pitiful lives on its back like nuclear-capable fleas on a mongrel rock. I’m sure there is a deeper meaning in this isn’t there? About how we always get through the worst of times etc...

Well I’ve done most of the work for you, I’m sure you can find your own meaning in it somewhere.

Now stop bothering me with your mindless heckling.

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