Tuesday, 7 February 2012

Time and Money

Time and money, time and money, time and money. Money and time.

You can’t get one unless you have the other and so we have nothing.

I’m in a catch 22, I’m up against a wall, I’m between a rock and a hard place but at least I’m not over a barrel. I can’t imagine that would be a particularly flattering pose.

it's not what it looks like...
Slippy slippy, time is slipping away down a dessert crevasse and into a sand worm to be digested slowly over a thousand years while a big fat Jabba laughs in a made up language.

Yet when I look around at all the faces of the people I have to share space and time with, all I see is the slops of the universe. Dregged up from deep sea trenches like oversized prawns, dossing and fussing and prissing about.

Let’s find a partner, let’s get married, let’s get a house, let’s get children, let’s waste our time perpetually replicating other people’s lives in the vague expectation that happiness and satisfaction will be a default consequence of our own pathetic, slothful, mimicry.

How dare they faff about wafting in the wind while I pull a chariot through knee deep mud, grunting, heaving and wheezing in exertion, like a fat husky, and never moving more than an inch.

In my darkest moments of my darkest days there is a dark but somehow glimmering hint of shameful jealousy as this darkest part of me has to admit that it feels the lowest, basest envy, the moment is but fleeting, but in that half second, for that infinitely long micro moment I yearn for the gormless attitude that would allow me to be find happiness with a screaming infant and the X-factor.

Then I get a bit of sick in my mouth.

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