Tuesday, 10 April 2012

Happy Days and all that yeah?

Right I’m sure you’re desperate to know what’s been happening!

“What’s been happening?!”

this makes me sick with rage
I hear you cry! Well I am here to tell you.

Easter happened. It took me rather by surprise; I hadn’t really been expecting it. But there it was, mashing its self satisfied chocolate fa├žade into my dairy free face, like a fat, nesting pigeon.

How did Easter start being about chocolate anyway? Don’t tell me, I can wiki it if I really care, and to be honest celebrating spring by watching other people eat dairy produce is a hell of a lot better than watching a man get crucified. Again. First on BBC one in a lovely singy way, then on BBC Three in a desperately patronising way, and then again on Channel four. In a sickeningly graphic and very German way. Loverlly.

What a truly lovely way to spend a bank holiday weekend. I’m sure that is exactly what Jesus Christ would have wanted. Amassed families gathering around a barbecue stuffing their faces with chocolate and watching his death on repeat.

But still, I’m sure you all loved it, and so you should my little Chickens!

Now how about I invite you all over to my house so we can celebrate the Queen’s jubilee by eating candy floss and watching snuff movies?

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