Tuesday, 24 April 2012

Right now listen up numnums


I have been reading about how to maximise my blog. Now I’m not entirely sure that what I was reading was particularly relevant to what I’m doing here, but never mind.

They (no I don’t know who ‘they’ are, so shush) said that every month or so in a blog I have to write an ‘anchor post’ telling my audience (that’s you, yes they mentioned you!) how to do something. They didn’t elaborate on what I had to tell you to do, but they said it would be a good way to build up followers, and in order to become Queen of the world I need a couple of loyal followers.

I thought about asking you what kind of a ‘how to’ you would like me to do, but I know you would come up with really crap ideas, so I’m going to do what I want and you’re going to like it.

I had a little think about the type of things you secretly want to know how to do, but would never ask, so here are a couple of the topics I shall be covering:

How to not give a crap
How to walk away from a stupid conversation
How to stop a pointless argument escalating beyond all reason or control 
How to exact revenge, properly
How to avoid killing someone irritating, or at least avoid getting caught
How to legitimately stalk someone
How to fake superior intellect
How to fake knowledge on a niche subject
How to admit you’re wrong and still make it seem like you are better than everyone
How to make people think you’re great
How to make people think you like them
How to make it clear you really don’t like someone

And for all those animal lovers out there:

How to skin a puppy, Korean stylie

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