Monday, 21 May 2012

World Domination


I reckon what I’m gonna do is get myself a secret base somewhere and start amassing my army of chaos to take over the world, I’m getting pretty itchy feet and need to get the plan into motion.

I’m gonna have one of the big boards laying on the ground with a map of the world on it and a load of well dressed monkeys would be pushing stuff around on it. There would be one for the earth and one for the moon, then when we’ve done them we’d move onto mars and the asteroid belt.

I’d have a whole load of scientists in a room who’d be inventing all new types of things like face melting chocolate and cars with a turbo button and pens that make you fly.

Then when I have taken over the world I would make it a bit like the Hunger Games – so that everyone is so focused on being hungry that they forget about their crazy despot leader. I got that idea from Robert Mugabe and he seems to be doin’ alright.

Then if like that git Bond came along then I’d just offer him a job and loads of women, cos it’s not like he ever gave a crap about anything else; I’d throw in a company car as well and then he would be my bitch.

Then to top it all off I would make myself a superhero, a bit like iron man only so much better cos I don’t like him, so maybe more like batman. Anyway, one of the ones that isn’t magic – so I would make myself a superhero and go round doin a bit of this and a bit of that. Then this whole fa├žade would make people think – “oh yeah there is a hero trying to take down the evil dictator. Cool, I’ll just keep eating my nancho’s cos I’m not needed.”

And my plan would be complete.

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