Tuesday, 19 June 2012

Don't be stressed!

Right.

I’m all like ‘stressed’ in the workplace.

I’m strapped into a cardboard warehouse, dreaming of space travel but doomed to a fairytale land.

This is stressy.

So I thought you must be the same what with this ‘having things in common’ people go on about and I decided I would share my solution for dealing with office based stress.

YOGA! Yeah office yoga, I was all thinking, that’ll be nice, get me all relaxed and get rid of my headache and stop the darkness rising from the shadows where the evil lurks etc

So here is some photos of some random people's suggestions of discreet yoga positions for the office based workplace:

This one is from the ‘Institute of Serenity’ – nothing bad will happen if you do this in a crowded office.

Kinetic Vigilantes’ (no I don’t know what that means either) reckon this one is better than chocolate, so we'll all do ten of these, come on, hope on it!

Fairplay.

And this one is my favourite. It is the one I practice most of the day and is recommended by the ‘rejuvenation lounge’ as they call themselves….

So there you go, sorted, say no more about it.
 
Now watch this:



Thursday, 14 June 2012

Guest Blogger Review: The Hunger Games

Following the HUGE MIGHTY SUCCESS of my other reviews; here is another one that I didn’t do:
A Chuffing Good Read
-A review by S.Powis

The Hunger Games

The books starts with chapter one, when I saw this I was instantly put off. I thought to myself "how blimming predictable" but after ten minutes of moaning and groaning I composed myself and went back to the book. The author of the book uses 'words' throughout the book to tell the story, very cunning I thought. My personal number one book would be the 'touch and feel' sponge bob edition which I enjoyed from beginning to end several times over but this didn't use words. The fact that the book uses words was initially a challenge for me, but I got my Girlfriend to read them out loud for me. This worked I thought. The book is about this girl called Katniss who didn't shave her legs. This part is non fiction as girls are real things cos I know I saw some in school. I didn't like what I saw. The rest of the story is sometimes non fiction because it is set in a place that is not. Called Panem. Which isn't a nice place  in my opinion in fact it's worse then France or something. 

This is where I get confused over the whole fiction/non fiction thing as the writer ladie might of either gone to the future or seen someone from the future and just got the book or she could of made it up in her head. So depending on how the book was attained it is either fiction or non fiction... Not sure. 
something like this...

The book is set in the future.

It is broken up into chapters. 

After a while my girlfriend said she wasn't gonna read it to me any more as she had her own book to read.
Here is where the miracle happens, instead of just having a strop and leaving the book I had a strop and and decided to read it myself. 

This in its self shows how enticing the book must of been. I managed to finish the whole book by myself in my head with no prompting. The story had lots of action and death which I liked. I liked how the writer used the words to make you think you knew the people and things. I am currently reading the second book called 'Catching Fire'. A second point which makes me think the book is probs non fiction is that it wasn't written on paper. It was written on a StarTrek thing called a Kindle made by Amazons. So probs was given to us by Spock or summing. To him it would have been a historical document. 

In conclusion it's a very good book. I am going to be sad when i finish the trilogy but am also excited to. I don't think the mix of emotions will be good for my health in the long run. If you have money, it should be spent on this and then if you can read you should read it, if not get your Girlfriend to read it. If she won't and you can't read don't get the audiobook it's rubbish, you should either put your mind to destroying evil or just sit down and have a good think for about ten minutes or so. 

My Review by S.Powis

Wednesday, 13 June 2012

Prometheus Review


This space was allocated for my Prometheus review, only I didn’t get to see it.

So here’s a couple of fat women blocking a waterslide instead.

Friday, 8 June 2012

Something new!


Well kind of new, well not new at all if you already know about it but you might not know about me.


Yes that old bean, it’s socialising without having to read. It’s twitter for the illiterate (ha! As if half the people on twitter are even vaguely literate) it’s facebook, only without the book bit.

see this kind of crap all the time!
It’s all pictures of stuff, random crap, like looking at the detritus collected on the floor of a shambolic hoarder's garage.

I haven’t worked out what it is actually for yet. But you get to that point in the day when you loose the will to think, you want to click and flick and surf, and pinterest is the equivalent of waving something shiny at a baby.

I just use it for posting hilarious pictures and thought you might be interested in my collection of animals in a variety of unsuitable outfits.

Thursday, 7 June 2012

Pointless Videos


Yes, it’s me again, palming work off to other people in the name of ‘reviews’.

I did initially think of doing an in depth review of this loverlly track which takes me back to my student days;



A brilliantly addictive track, that seems to go on forever. At least I used to think two minutes and fifty four seconds was forever, but then I found this baby:



Yep, ten hours of that crap! Awesome! But there are tonnes of them, tonnes and tonnes of ten hour tracks! This is my personal favourite funky track:




I managed twenty five minutes of the track before my head exploded. Now all I have to do is think of a way to pipe these goodies into my neighbour’s living room….

Wednesday, 6 June 2012

ONE HUNDRED!


HA HA! That is right my friends! 

this is a monkey

Today is the day I celebrate 100 posts! This is the hundredth by the way, just in case you were confused.

This is gonna be like well easy today tho as I don’t have to think or nuffin, I just do a bit of reminiscin’, like one of them clip shows they do on the telly box.

So it all started a long time ago in a galaxy far away. Actually I won’t mention the first few blog posts, cos they are really crap and boring, I probably didn’t get going until I started talking about how much I hate Ewoks and then it was like I’d ‘opened the floodgates’ as they say. The flood gates of HELL Mwuhahahah etc.  

I had to tell you how annoyed I was at my useless phone of hell and how irritated I was, and still am actually, with useless stupid people that do pointless things but people give ‘em loadsa money cos it chrateeey. Twonks. 

Then everything went a bit mad when I met a littol kitton what wanted to start a meaningful conversation with me. That was a bit strange, the only thing stranger than that was my encounter with Dr Oetker

This whole reminiscin’ thing is more technical than I thought, what with all the hyper linking stuff…. Tricky. 

However I couldn’t possibly leave my blog story thing without mentioning my guest blogger, the little monkey that stole everyone’s heart and then weed on it.  

Happy Wednesday an’ all that….

Tuesday, 5 June 2012

Loverly Jubilley


Well I suppose a lot of you are out there being all British and having barbecues and ‘lovin’ it’ aren’t you?

As the storm clouds gather above me on this fateful anniversary I am reminded only of the futility of our existence. Minions and plebians gather in public grounds, eating cold, sugared fat in a cone and waving a 300 year old symbol of a dead empire, whilst I sit in a sweaty pool of my own misery.

“Why are you doing that you weirdo?” I hear you ask ever so politely.

a dark and sinister ritual
Well because it is on this day that we witness, once again, an event which reminds us only of the time passing swiftly under our withered toes. We cling, like desperate rats, to our youthful faces, sagging under the weight of our own mortality and we blunder onwards down the same road towards our inevitable end.

How do we acknowledge this dreadful loss?

Why the only way we can, the only way we have been shown, the only way we know how!

We make sacrifices and burn farm animals in suburban gardens during a frenzied bacchic celebration watched over by the mysterious Dr Oetker and his decidedly sinister muffin pyramid.

Still, it’s always nice to have a day off.

Monday, 4 June 2012

How To: Walk away from a stupid conversation

That’s right lads and ladies (eurgh, that is a rather plebeian phrase) I am here to provide you with the latest How To! If I do enough of them, then I shall compile them into a book, this book shall be like a ‘library of advice’ all compiled and edited by me, I shall give them a name that means library, thus saving me the effort of thinking. I shall then translate this word into another language to make it sound posher, perhaps Greek or Latin, I shall then provide this ‘bible’ to people who are lost and searching for answers, they will then follow my advice and raise me up to the status of messiah, or demi god and I shall then ask them to give me all their money to save them from the burden of materialism. Then I’ll get a hot tub and a monkey, but I won’t have them in the same room.

Any hoo.
not like this chicken

I am sure you have all been in a situation in which you have been forced, like a ferret into a tube, to engage with an idiot. The kind of idiot that has a mental capacity similar to that of a chicken, not one of the cool chickens that performs stunts, no, one of the stupid chickens that all the other chickens look at and go ‘oh god do I really have to talk to her? She's as thick as-’ well you get the general idea.

Now let’s imagine that this moron of epic proportions has spoken to you, perhaps said something along the lines of “Have you noticed how only fat people are on diets?” or “Do Crocodiles have nipples?”

With a statement you are left with the option of smiling and walking away. No harm done, no chance of them pulling you, kicking and screaming, into their vacuous conversation in the way planets can be caught in the gravitational pull around a black hole and sucked into oblivion.

With an open question - “What time is it?” “How many boiled eggs do you reckon I can fit in my mouth?” – Simply say ‘I don’t know.’ Then run.

But this is a ‘yes/no’ question, not quite so easy to get away from. So what do you do? What possible option are you left with in this most dire of circumstances?

Well, the easiest and simplest method to deal with the old ‘yes/no’ is to say ‘No’ and walk away. Do it quickly, give them no time to probe you further on your negative response, don’t fall into the trap of ‘being polite’ and saying ‘ok?’ this will only encourage them. DO NOT concern yourself with these thoughts of being polite, just shove them out of your ‘compassion circle’ like a big fat sumo and be done with it.

However if this situation occurs and you find yourself supplying the positive response and then continuing to engage in the conversation, then I am afraid there is no hope for you. You are an idiot.