Friday, 19 October 2012

I have warned you!

This is getting seriously serious.

I have seen several seasonal ads, heard the seasonal music. For anyone who says ‘it starts earlier every year’ you are clearly a moron, it always starts at this time; as soon as they clear the racks of school uniforms they bring out the Christmas crap.

Oh yes, they have a little nod to Halloween; they have a little stand somewhere with last years chocolate that didn’t sell and a few ‘hilarious’ pumpkin outfits. But as much as we try to pretend that we are American, we are not. No one gives a crap about Halloween, so the shops are forced to go straight into Christmas.

So what do we do about it? How do we ignore it? Can’t we just pretend it isn’t happening?

NO!

We tried that last year, and look what happened!

We must prepare ourselves; would Elizabeth I have beaten off the Armada if she had stuck her fingers in her ears and shouted ‘I’m not listening!’? NO!

Would Churchill have knocked the Nazi’s out of the air if he hadn’t said something or other about going to the beach? NO!

And so we must be ready for the encroaching doom.

“But, how?” I hear you whimper, pathetically.

Worry not my little shrimps! Luckily for you I am preparing a few tips and things for dealing with Christmas (and other compulsory ‘celebrations’) starting this Monday with ‘Cards’.

So tune in next week my little cretinous vermin!

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