Friday, 4 January 2013


How in the flaming world of flip flops did Friday happen? This is absurd! I should write to my MP!

where's Bob's bins?
I should also write to dear old yellow waistcoat bob about his crazy bins. They are all over the place, the crafty urban foxes know more about his bin schedule than I do and as a result my garden has been decorated with chicken corpses and bean tins.

Anyhoo I have somehow managed to claw my way obscenely through this week, I don’t know how, I have no recollection of the past weeks events, apart from the fact that I have gorged myself on sherbet lemons and snack-a-jacks. After the first few days of the food frenzy my weight didn’t sky-rocket to the amount I expected and rather than think ‘oh that’s good’ like any normal person, I looked upon this as a challenge and spent the rest of the fortnight attempting to get back up to my dreaded weight.

It didn’t happen, thank frick, cos I don’t know what I would have done when I got there; the only thing I have that actually fits me at my dreaded weight is a pair of gloves and I don’t think this minimalist outfit would have been appreciated when I inevitably have to stroll into town.

Right, so where am I? Yes, Friday… at least now the dreaded thought of the dreaded Friday might make me think about completing some of the dreaded work. Either that or I shall spend the rest of the day scavenging around the empty house in the hope of stumbling upon a lonesome sherbet lemon.

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