Thursday, 11 April 2013

Diary of an Illiterate Wench

If you have been following me on facebook and twitter (and you really should, now that they have invented cyberspace you don’t have to press your greasy face against my window as much as you do) then you will know that I have been busy.

So very busy that I couldn’t possibly look at your face for long enough to fill in this blog box over the last few weeks.

However, if I am to eventually take over the world then I suppose I must continue to update you, so that you can look at me with wonder and awe, eventually voting me Pharaoh of the world or something.

So I shall tell you what I have been up to (are you on the edge of your seat?) as you may have guessed from the cryptic title of this blog: I have been dressing as a wench, learning how to wench, practising wenching and finally, last night was the culmination of my life’s dreams and ambitions: I became a fully fledged wench! Wenching here, wenching there, wenching myself everywhere.

The first night of The Country Wife went better than I anticipated! I moved things to the right place, and then moved them back again, I shouted at the audience as their baffled, frightened faces peeped through the door to buy their tickets, I sold them broadsheets for a single gold coin (that confused the poor little things) I even got some of them to squeeze my oranges. Which was nice.

Tonight I shall be doing it all over again. Moving furniture, laughing raucously, lathering on layers of makeup, making terrible and slightly unhealthy innuendo – as you can tell, it isn’t that different to what I normally get up to…

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