Thursday, 20 June 2013


YAY! I have been gifted a great thing that will aid me in the production of new and improved illustrations! Admittedly it may take me some time to get used to, however you can already see that massive difference it’s making to my art! 

Tuesday, 4 June 2013

What a beautiful day!

Sunny mornings and birds singing and all that jazz! Eh? Eh? Eh?

In order to convey the full horror of the story I am about to relate, I will first introduce you to a new character in this sordid tale of my life.

Many people keep a pet; a dog, a cat, a spouse… that sort of thing. I didn’t choose my house guest. She appeared in the kitchen looking forlorn and I made the mistake of offering her a piece of fudge and then she never left.

I’m not quite sure what she is.

There has been much debate; the most common suggestions are a pixie or a leprechaun, the most convincing being ‘fairy’ as she has a set of fast beating wings constantly buzzing on her back– however she isn’t particularly ethereal and is actually considerably clumsy, often having to be caught as she suddenly loses the ability to fly and plummets to the ground for no particular reason, or when she gets over excited after listening to ‘Flo Rider’ and charges headfirst into a cupboard door.

Some people think she is entirely imaginary.

Whatever she is, I cannot shake her off. And so Sunday morning happened.

Just because there is light outside does not mean that it directly follows that we must all bask within it. That we must rush outside sans clothing and wash our indecent body masses in the UV shower that exists at this time of year.

And it’s only going to get worse. Soon people will be draping themselves over every available surface at every available opportunity because ‘IT’S SUMMER! YEAH!’ – So bloody what?

If I want to stay inside, in bed during daylight hours – and let me remind you, these start as early as 5am, even on weekends – that is not a crime against the season! The summer won’t wrathfully spurn me and blow snow in my face!

We don’t have to go outside and supplicate ourselves in veneration of a deified orb, lathering ourselves in overpriced balm as if it were Ra’s own anointing oil, before offering barely naked bodies up for sacrifice in the vain hope that we will somehow consume all the rays of the summer, absorbing them into our wobbling, bulbous, pitiable figures of misery, and, as a direct result, our levels of joy, happiness and contentment will exponentially increase, despite the fetid filth and squalor our souls are already suffocating in

But you just can't explain that to some people.