Wednesday, 4 September 2013

What have I done?

Right, I’m not really into ‘sharing’ – I find it to be a very American concept (i.e. ‘sentimental’) and thus it is of low value to me.

Why do people have to ruin perfectly good, non-talking situations by sharing information about themselves? “I’m pregnant.” “I’m depressed.” “I'm constipated.” – it all gets a bit hideous and I generally just stare at the other person until they stop talking, at which point I mutter ‘that’s nice’ which is my way of saying ‘shut-up, you’re making my face ache’.

I will invariably avoid asking people anything, except in the most basic of greeting, and if they start to talk I just glaze over and ignore whatever guffle is dribbling from their lips until such a time when it is appropriate to get what I want from them.

As a result I have some understanding of what is passing through your mind at this very moment, I understand the pain you must be feeling whilst reading this waffle and piffle, I assume you only read this dross in order to avoid doing anything else, such as facing up to the miserable pointlessness of your own existence.

So since we are all agreed that sharing information with each other is a simply awful way of passing the time, I shall keep this brief.

I have been busy, working, not working, looking for work, wishing I wasn’t working, and making this hilarious film of films. The mightiest, grandest film of films, the film to put other films to shame! Probably.

I do say the word ‘cucumber’ in it, twice. So it is worth watching, just for that: