Wednesday, 2 October 2013

Welcome, welcome, welcome, welcome, welcome flippen welcome!

Well oony-ver-city all kicked off with a series of increasingly personal welcome meetings.

The first one was held in an amphitheatre where ‘Jenny’s’ welcome video (in which she warned us not to bring a vacuum cleaner – thanks Jenny!) was played on repeat like a dystopian, Orwellian torture device, while children (for this is what they are) filed in looking lost and morose and desperately clutching their gadgets, which are now their only friend in this new and potentially hostile territory.

I now hate and despise Jenny for all her belated advice.

Then there was a thrilling looking smily bunch of oldies with mics and extraordinarily dull job titles such as ‘Pro-Vice-Executive-Director of something or other’ who congratulated us for choosing the university and informed us that the layout was based on an Italian hilltop village, which explains absolutely nothing about how to find our way around the concrete maze of 1960’s acid induced architecture.

Then developments were halted by the appearance of a butterfly. Obviously.

I can honestly say that all the joy I have been filled with over the summer months (yes I have) has completely disappeared and the dark cynicism, which used to fill the space between my pretty little ears, has returned, all within twenty minutes of entering an educational establishment.


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